Essential New Words for the Workplace Environment

25 Aug, 2004 | BusinessTdpLife

I got this from somewhere recently, can't remember exactly where, but I thought I'd share it with you anyhow. How many do you recognise?

~ Waving your arms around and talking bollocks. (I know people who'd get an honours degree in this, and not necessarily just people at work)

~ Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed, or a project failed, and exactly who was responsible.

Seagull Manager:
~ A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.

~ The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement - by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

Salmon Day:
~ The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream, only to get screwed and die. (Sums up my working life)

Cube Farm:
~ An office filled with partitions or cubicles.

Praire Dogging:
~ When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and peoples' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. Also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake. (This is a regular occurence all round the office)

Mouse Potato:
~ The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. (Guilty)

~ Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

Stress Puppy:
~ A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whining all the time.

Xerox Subsidy:
~ Euphemism for nicking free photocopies from one's workplace. (I certainly do not indulge in this activity)

Percussive Maintenance:
~ The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (My main method for fixing equipment, the more delicate it is, the more likely I'll use it.)

~ The rarefied organisational layers that start just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. (These are encountered daily, usually the higher in the "adminisphere" the decision comes from the less sense it makes)

~ Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" (meaning that the requested Document could not be located).

The 'Oh No!' Second:
~ That minuscule moment in time when you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've just hit 'reply all'). (Mine tend to be more 'Oh Shit!' moments to be honest)

~ Well Off Older Folk. (Definitely seen some of these, easily spotted by their 'Countdown to Retirement' wallchart they religiously cross off each day and gaze at longingly when given a bad job)

~ Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the ensuing sounds of dismay and disgust. Usually leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.